butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize