If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
