I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
