apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So many bounce houses so little time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
