remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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