My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
