I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
