she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
