I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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