Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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