I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Randomize
