all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
