is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
