Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i think i just lost a toe
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
