nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My vagina is very pro this idea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
