He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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