i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
