he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
