I hate your face
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
