The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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