i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
