It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize