That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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