Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
they're like a gay fantastic four
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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