her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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