You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
