your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
