The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
