Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
