I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
