The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
