actually, I'm a sock model
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
