he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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