He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
