wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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