we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
50% drunk capacity currently
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
