Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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