I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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