Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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