I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
