so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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