mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
