Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize