he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
