it hurts more in the daytime
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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