I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
