pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
