Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
