yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she peed on how many people?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What a dumb baby whore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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