stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You pole danced in your parka.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
