Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
