I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
