literally had 100 drinks last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
