She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
