This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there is glitter all over my balls
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