So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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