Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm like, not good at living.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
