And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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