you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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