ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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