why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
