you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
