Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
