GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
