Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
