I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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