when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
