I think I won the penis lottery.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
