My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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