Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
